Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze
these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?" Who was the
first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next
thing that comes outta it's butt." Why do toasters always have a setting
that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being
would eat? Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? If
Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane? If the
professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why
can't he fix a hole in a boat? Why do people point to their wrist when
asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask here
the bathroom is? Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get
undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're
both dogs!
What do you call male ballerinas?
Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?? If Wile E. Coyote had
enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? If corn oil is made from corn,
and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made
from? If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from
Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse? Why do the
Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup? Why do they
call it an asteroid when it's outside the Hemisphere, but call it a
hemorrhoid when it's in your ass? Did you ever notice that when you blow
in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car
ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first
Do ever wonder who has the time to write these stupid emails?

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