PINOCCHIO had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened. A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"
Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"
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LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD was walking through the woods when suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a sword to her throat, said, "Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!"
To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and pulled out a ..44 magnum and pointed it at him and said, "No, you're not. You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book."
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MICKEY MOUSE and MINNIE MOUSE were in divorce court and the judge said to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy." Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she's f**king Goofy."
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SNOW WHITE saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran up behind him, knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on his face crying, "Lie to me! Lie to me!"
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Did you know....Captain Hook died from jock itch.
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One day, JANE met TARZAN in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and during her questions about his life she asked him how he engaged to have sex. "What's that?" he asked.
She explained to him what sex was and he said, "Oh, I use a hole in the trunk of a tree." Horrified, she said, " Tarzan, you have it all wrong but I will show you how to do it properly." She took off her clothes, lay down on the ground and spread her legs. "Here," she said, "you must put it in here."
Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp, "What the hell did you do that for?" "Just checking for bees," said Tarzan.
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A husband and wife are in bed watching "Who Wants to be a Millionaire". The husband asks for sex.
The wife says, "No." Her husband asks, "Is that your final answer?" She responds, "Yes."
He says, "Then, I'd like to phone a friend."
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