*The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest.
They question all the plant and material witnesses. After three
months of extensive investigations, they conclude that rabbits do not
*The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they bomb the forest,
killing everything in it, including the rabbit. They make
no apologies; the rabbit had it coming.
*The LAPD go in. They come out after two hours with a badly beaten
bear. The bear is yelling, "Okay, okay, I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit."
The Australian Prime Minister hears about this and decides to test
Australian Law Enforcement Agencies. He releases a white
rabbit into the Stromlo Forest outside Canberra.
*The National Crime Authority couldn't catch the rabbit, but promise
that if they are given a budget increase they can recover 90
million from the rabbit in unpaid taxes and proceeds of crime.
*The VIC Police go in. They return after 15 minutes with a koala, a
kangaroo, and a tree fern all shot to pieces. "They looked
like dangerous rabbits and we had to act in self-defence" is their
*The NSW Police go in. Surveillance tapes later reveal top ranking
officers and rabbits dancing around a gum tree stoned out of their
*The QLD Police go in. Shortly afterwards, they come out driving a
brand new Mercedes, scantily clad rabbits draped all over them. The QLD
Premier congratulates them on maintaining traditional family values.
*The WA Police went into the forest and caught the white rabbit, but
the rabbit inexplicably hung itself when the attending officer
"slipped out momentarily" for a cup of coffee.
*The NT and SA police join forces to beat the crap out of every rabbit
in the forest except the white one. They know it is the black
ones who cause all the trouble.
*The Australian Federal Police refuse to go in. They examine the
particularly cost, and decide that because of the low
priority and cost to the organization as a whole, the matter should be
rejected and returned to the referring department for investigation.
*ASIO goes into the wrong forest.
Back to My Forwards