For all you foodies!

Christmas cake recipe

1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
lemon juice
4 large eggs
lots of nuts
1 bottle Vodka (or brandy)
2 cups of dried fruit

Sample the vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl,check  the vodka again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level  cup and drink.


Turn on the electric mixer.Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.

Add one teaspoon of sugar.Beat again.At this point it's best to make sure the vodka is shtill OK.

Try another cup .... just in case. Turn off the mixerer.

Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried  fruit.

Pick fruit off floor.

Mix on the turner.

If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a sdrewscriver.

Sample the vodka to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt.Or something.Who giveshz a shit.

Check the vodka.

Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Thought this may bring a smile!!

Add one table.

Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink.Whatever you can find.

Greash the oven and piss in the fridge.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.

Don't forget to beat off the turner.

Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the vodka and kick the cat.

Fall into bed.


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