Blonde Jokes


A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want
you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure
for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least
five pounds." When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop
dead that third day." "From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor. "No!, from
all that skipping."


A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind
the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing
lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn
and yelled, "PULLOVER!" "NO," the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"


A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The
Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the
first on the moon!" The Blonde said, "So what, we're going to be the first on
the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook
their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said
the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know.
We're going at night!"


A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely
if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would
get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then
today you expect me to show it to you!"


A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn.
She rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature". Her question
was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"


The blonde reported for her university final examination that
consists of "yes/no" type questions. She takes her seat in the examination
hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a
fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the
coin and marking the answer sheet "Yes" for Heads and "No" for Tails.
Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is
sweating it out. During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing
the coin, muttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her
and asks what is going on. "I finished the exam in half an hour, but
I'm rechecking my answers.


There was a blonde woman who was having financial troubles so she
decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park,
grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note. "I have
kidnapped your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak
tree in the park tomorrow at 7am. Signed, "The blonde" She pinned the note
inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home. The
next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown
bag, behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Inside the bag
was the following note.. "Here is your money. I cannot believe that
one blonde would do this to another

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